Guess who’s coming to dinner!
VO: You know, for a guy who says he’s not her boyfriend, Jake sure acts like one, despite his objections to dinner with Olivia’s dad. Jake and dinner with Papa Pope is one of those awkward moments. even more so than if the parents caught you having sex.
KC: Why is Jake acting like this? He is a trained killer. He doesn’t have to be the side piece.
VO: Because he probably does love Olivia, despite knowing it’s a terrible, terrible idea. At least she’s coming around to the idea of a stable love (albeit with a killer) than the whole “IRRATIONAL LOVE CRAZY LOVE!” speech she gave to Edison back in the day.
I don’t know if Papa Pope wants to have dinner with Jake because he wants to make sure Jake behaves or if it’s out of love. But I don’t think that those things are mutually exclusive at times.
KC: I think both. I do think Papa Pope loves his daughter as much as a man like him can love.
VO: I also I don’t mind his skepticism about “You just dropped by to see me?” no one really does that do they in the Pope family do they? I love his advice, because it’s probably something she needed to hear and the “I was cold in the first place” because there’s truth to it. Like they’re playing a dance and she’s trying to get into a routine.
One reward of this whole thing is that we got the most awkward and deadly family dinner post-Maya Pope vacationing in the hole. Seriously Olivia, you are not subtle about the “seafood” comment. I mean, as a parent, I can see that a mile away. Parents did have a kinky sex life before the kids came along. This isn’t new shit for us.
Here’s the thing with Papa Pope — I will always believe he’s telling the truth no matter what. And I wouldn’t fuck around too hard with Papa Pope, Jake. I’m just saying that he’s dangerous. And you know what, I have a weird feeling that he will be standing over Jake when Jake dies. That man has not told a lie so far. Everything has been the truth — just not the truth you want to hear.
KC: Papa Pope is evil but the only character who is consistent right now. He is the only person I trust right now to not turn into a blubbering lovesick idiot. I don’t even know what Jake is about right now. He ain’t got no job, what power can he leverage? Just go be useful and do that thing to Liv.
In which Cyrus loses his damn head (literally and figuratively)
KC: Oh Cyrus. You dumb, dumb, dumb, man.
VO: Cyrus is seriously horny. Dude should just wank off instead of accosting random sex workers who look like odd mixes of famous actors. And you can tell he’s a lying liar who lies when he called Cyrus “sweet”. Also am I weird that when Michael said, “I can give you what you want,” my answer was, “A day where I can sleep in?”
KC: He’s a sex worker, his job is to tell whole lies with a half-smile (™ Annie Clark) I can’t really look at him without thinking he’s an Andy Garcia/Matthew McConaughey frankenstein monster creation.
VO: MANDY MCCARICIA!
This is why you don’t tell people to give Mellie whatever she wants. Trust. Also Abby’s entire internal monologue in the White House is *internally screaming*
VO: And the killer cliff bride. This is one of those ripped from the headlines things huh?
KC: So is Scandal going to go the way of Law and Order? I don’t think that would be a bad thing.
VO: “I can’t watch this either…” and they still watch, which is hilarious. I feel like that sums up every single 24 hour news cycle perfectly.
KC: Or Scandal.
VO:At least Mellie isn’t wearing robes, but I love how fascinated she looks at the whole scene. Are we gonna see a hiking accident with Fitz? How often has Mellie sat there and stared at Fitz while thinking of the Chris Rock routine about killing your spouse. “OH STRIKE HIM DOWN DEAD LORD! STRIKE DOWN THAT EYEBROWLESS USELESS BABY OTTER I HAVE CARRED ON MY BACK FOR SO LONG! STRIKE HIM DOWN WHILE I STILL LOOK GOOD!”
*ahem. Sorry. Got distracted*
KC: I am worried that they are going to turn Mellie into the hysterical wife character. Like almost a parody of that. I hope the mourning/insanity storyline has an end because I feel like her going down Crazy Wife Boulevard is so predictable.
VO: Fitz — you keep calling Abby “Gabby’ and someone is gonna be shanking you. Probably Abby. And everyone telling Abby to give Mellie what she wants is basically going to end with his presidency turning into a joke.
KC: As someone who goes HAM if you mess up my name three times in a row, I admire Abby’s restraint.
VO: I have to say that I loved Abby’s face during this meeting because she’s going *internally screaming* in her head. I also think Mellie’s been watching way too many episodes of Sherlock. I’m also laughing my ass off because honestly, YOU COULD’VE SAVE THIS FITZ. JUST TELL MELLIE NO. LISTEN TO ABBY. YES HER NAME IS ABBY YOU OTTER. It’s also funny and sad for Mellie because it’s kind of embarrassing and she felt alive for a moment, wanted to do something useful, and then shat the bed. At least Abby bailed her out.
KC: This makes me really sad and I really hope they move off of this Mellie is nuts storyline.
VO: Me too. I feel like it’s just such an easy go-to in a way, given soap opera tropes. But I think that it’s always kind of been there — Mellie has talked about being bored with the usual First Wife duties and wants to be more, do more, so I wonder if this was one way she felt like she could do something instead of be a “decoration” as Fitz once said. It engaged some of her brain work and made her feel like she was actually doing something for once.
Abby’s face when Fitz offers her the drink is hilarious. That whole scene is basically the undertone of *internally screaming*. Of course he’s asking about Olivia. At least that’s less awkward and you can see Abby going, “THANK GOD HE’S NOT HITTING ON ME.”
Sociopathic stepmoms and we finally learn stuff about Abby and Olivia!
VO: Abby and Olivia were in the same law school together? What the hell? And I like that they are talking as associates and more equals than when Abby was at OPA. Girl is rising in her own right. I wonder what happened to their friendship. I suspect money and work got in the way of everything, if that makes sense.
KC: This is so random, and so Shonda. Why has this not come up for 3 seasons. They never said, or even acted like they had any kind of relationship prior to OPA dealings.
VO: I really do like how Olivia and Abby are now on more equal footing. I love also how she smacked around the whole “gladiator” thing because while Harrison was unquestionably loyal to Olivia, I totally get Abby’s frustration.
KC: They are making Abby into the new Olivia, not in the way I had hoped, but I like that Abby is a voice of criticism and pushing back against Liv’s bullshit.
VO: Of course the whole law school thing gives the perfect segue to Catherine, the sociopathic fuckwit of a stepmom. Catherine is one of those chicks that the papers used to write about all the damn time about the women who went to college to get a husband. I’m kind of disappointed she didn’t take the bar, but that’s none of my business *kermit sipping tea gif here* You can tell Olivia is always judging her hardcore. And Olivia sure as hell doesn’t like talking about her young days as a party girl.
KC: I actually always got the feeling that Liv was a straight up coddled child of privilege that fucked around a lot (in all definitions of the term) and then got her shit together in her late 20’s and reinvented herself. I also get the feeling that Liv has no close girlfriends because she eventually has sex with their boyfriends. Kinda like first season Serena on Gossip Girl.
VO: OK. Catherine officially a horrible mother, because who the fuck would fuck a teenage boy? And then kill her daughter?
KC: A Shondaland mom.
VO: I didn’t notice it until you talked about how marriage in Shondaland is where love dies, but this pissed me off. Maybe it’s because I get the frustrations, the boredom and all that bullshit that Catherine was talking about. I get Mellie wanting to be greater and I think I have more sympathy for Mellie because we’ve seen her sacrifice for Fitz and how that investment paid off.
I get all of that, but you know what? WHEN YOU’RE IN A MARRIAGE AND ESPECIALLY A PARENT YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE A SELFISH ASSHOLE CATHERINE. Saying you’re bored and wanted to fuck a teenage boy is not cool. That’s also called statutory rape Catherine. Why the fuck didn’t you take the bar and get a career instead of swanning around the house seducing boys who have been alive for maybe three U2 albums? It pisses me off on a huge level because I get being bored, I get how sometimes marriage is hard and parenting is hard and all of this is putting other people’s needs ahead of your own at times, but you know what? SUCK IT UP. THIS IS PART OF THE GIG. If the gig doesn’t work, then maybe you should get out instead of messing with other people’s emotions because you’ve gotten used to living off of their sacrifices for you.
KC: She’s a nasty sociopath, but I figure she’d be a pervy creep regardless of whether she was a married mom or not. And I dunno there are plenty of selfish assholes who are (were?) married and with kids, at least two on this show alone. (Cy, Fitz…) They’re just dudes.
David Rosen tries to play dirty, realizes that isn’t what he signed up for
VO: Rosen is priming the president on the hell he’s going to receive regarding the gun bill and the read. Rosen’s smile — inside the bubble, does it feel good? Or is it just that the shit is nice and warm.
KC: He is going down the dark hole, which I guess was inevitable, but I do think this show needs a white hat 🙁
VO: Well we saw how well that went after he tried to blackmail that judge and the judge killed himself after ruling in Rosen’s favor (I will have to admit, I laughed my ass off at Rosen’s assistant saying it was ironic that he used to a gun to kill himself because it was so awkward).
VO: You know what Fitz? For all this to mean something? You’re going up against FDR and do you really want a depression and a war at the same time? Most people would shit themselves over that. When we get a president like FDR, IT’S BECAUSE TEH COUNTRY IS IN THE SHITTER.
KC: Delusion is Fitz’s middle name. Also, he does expect other people to eventually solve his biggest problems for him.
VO: And why does Rosen keep all those files in a storage locker? Oh wait, because keeping them in his house is a huge red flag.
KC: He’s gonna DIE.
YOU LEAVE CHARLIE ALONE. DO NOT TURN HIM INTO A WOOBIE.
VO: WHO WOOBIFIED CHARLIE AND HOW TO WE STOP THIS? I DO NOT LIKE THIS ONE BIT. NOT. ONE. BIT. He’s totally going to get hired onto OPA and coffee breaks in that office are going to be so fucking weird and there’s going to be weird incesting all over the place and *shudders*.
KC: THEY ARE SPIKING CHARLIE. They did this to Spike on Buffy (turned him from villain to part of the gang) and it suuuuuuuucked.
I love the idea of Charlie as the Ultimate Freelancer. I should totally pitch a “what you can learn about freelancing from Charlie” article for someplace.
“You owe me a $1.75 for that candybar,” cracks me up. Charlie is just so calm about this, which is warped and sick and hilarious.
VO: Quinn and Charlie. You know she was never truly out of B613, despite what she thought. “Should I give you tongue?” I swear, Charlie’s verbal wordplay is about as bad as mine. And WHY QUINN CHARLIE? SERIOUSLY. I THOUGHT YOUR OTP WAS MURDER.
KC: Why does anyone like Quinn, really? This is another character shift I don’t get. I am just weirded out by all of these cold-blooded characters acting like hormonal 14 year olds. At least I can count on Daddy Pope not being here for that bullshit.
VO: I was never OK with the character shift with Quinn, because it just seemed so out of the blue. But I will say that I get her anger towards Olivia and Huck about them not noticing she was gone for 24 hours in light of what she had said about them to Charlie and how she wasn’t as alone as he was. I’m not saying that she’s perfect, I’m just saying that I get her viewpoint.
KC: No one likes her.
VO: Yeah, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling some sympathy for her, in light of all the “we’re family” speeches that Olivia gives and Harrison going “WE’RE GLADIATORS!” to her. They talked a big game about backing each other up, and when no one noticed she was gone, I think that may have made her realize that some of what they said was just talk.
Does the Illuminati actually meet at the PTO meetings?
VO: There were a lot of things I had a hard time believiing with this episode, one of which being: HOW THE FUCK DOES PORTIA’S CHARACTER HAVE HAIR LIKE THAT AND A CHILD? I CAN’T EVEN GET TIME TO PEE ALONE SOME DAYS.
KC: Money equals a stylist!
VO: And anudder thing: WHY THE HELL ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE MEETING AT THE SCHOOL? That’s my biggest complaint. I’ve dropped my kid off lots of times at school and for real? That’s where you do your dirty work? Don’t you have a Starbucks you can go to? Because kids gossip you know. They ask who that strange looking dude was talking with your mom that morning. Or they ask about the stuff that they hear. Kids are worse gossips than Facebook family members. There is staff everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Safety officers all over the place.
And a lot of adults are outside talking and gossiping also so if you have a stranger show up looking like some hot mix of Andy Garcia and Matthew McConaughey, PEOPLE WILL NOTICE. That’s just some bullshit. Or are they all dropping kids off at school? Does Cyrus’ baby Ella go there? Is she gonna get dragged into this and then it’s Scandal The Next Generation? I can deal with B613 getting shut down like when you skip a cable bill? But this? This is unrealistic!
KC: Yeah … so, where Ella, speaking of that…
I do want to see a Scandal the next generation with Ella. Liv is her godmother, Cy is her dad, she’s gonna be girl Frank Underwood.