Next stop, Large potted plants and birthday presents with huge bows!
VO: THIS WEEK ON SCANDAL SOMEONE’S GONNA DIE! BUT WE WON’T TELL YOU WHO IT IS!
KC: Let’s start with this. Because I waited a whole week for an OMG moment, and it really just brought a “meh” for me. They are pulling punches. I cut my teeth in the “Lost” and “24” School of Killing Off Main Characters during the Middle of An Episode and this cliffhanger situation seems very contrived and soapy. Come on and just kill somebody. Part of the drama of Fitz getting shot last season is because we didn’t think they would go there. All of this is expected and inevitable.
VO: I think that the problem is that the writers are trying to top themselves all the time. Every single promo is “WHAT INSANITY WILL WE COME UP WITH NEXT? TUNE IN!” and the problem with that is that you don’t have room to have a quiet moment or breath or chill out. It’s just crazy piled on crazy and after awhile, it either flames out of people get disappointed in what you’re presenting. Really, what would be insane and shocking for me right now is if Olivia actually turned down a glass of red wine and chose to eat a decent fucking meal with vegetables in it, oh and she dumped Fitz for good and got some friends who could talk some sense into her.
The laugh that stopped the show
VO: Kerry Washington needs to laugh more on this show, because I’m dying of laughter watching this because she just lights up and it’s fucking hilarious, even though it’s a serious thing And the timing was gorgeous given that we always see the Olivia lip wibble and then there’s that laugh. I like to think that in the writer’s room, they put the cards up, stared at it and someone began laughing their ass off seeing what had happened. And they put that in the show, because really, if they didn’t someone else would’ve laughed their ass off.
KC: That woman knows how to do a crazy laugh. and it’s awesome because it seemed in that moment maybe she was gonna go the Crazy Like A Fox route, but she ended up making the same old Liv mistakes
VO: Good lord, Cyrus and Olivia have done this discussion before. Why not burn a CD and just play that instead of going back to the same song? /Digital Underground
KC: They have a dynamic. And she did learn from him so I think there is still a level of deference, even though they are friends and equals now. Also Liv knows it’s better to have him on her side in some way rather than working against his machinations. She will always lose.
VO: So is everyone just kind of doing their whole evangelical spiel in this episode?
KC: Yep, everyone is NUUUUUUUTS.
Can Quinn redeem herself somehow?
VO: Quinn and doing B613 is hilarious as the receptionist. I love Jake doing that for her as punishment, because for a perky overachiever, this would just hell for her. And I love Charlie’s confusion. “Am I on the Office now? When did we start selling paper?” I also loved how bored and angry Quinn was. I feel like we’re seeing Quinn’s disillusionment which is funny as hell. She really needs to go through a goth phase or something.
KC: But she is SNARKY! I kinda miss this. I feel like maybe there is some hope for Quinn. She is still stupid as hell but I think she is gaining some self awareness. I like the Quinn and Charlie show. and I hate Quinn but I do want her to get a clue and start playing the game, I think she could be the wild card if she would get smart. I feel Quinn on this, because I acted like Quinn in an office job. I wanna be free, assassinating, er… working.
And here is Kate Burton, picking scenery out of her teeth, bless her
VO: Three way heavyweight prize fight. And Sally continues to flip out. Seriously, how the hell hasn’t she gotten arrested yet for murder given that she’s told EVERY-DAMN-BODY she’s been possessed by the devil. You know, it might help Sally if you guys just redecorated the room, or moved her out of the house. I’m just sayin’.
And while this is one of the most insane scenes I’ve ever seen, I love how the actress is seriously chewing the scenery.
KC: SHE IS FULL ON CRAZY and I have no clue how she got elected in the first place, The cray just radiates off her. And it’s true, she’s confessed to everyone at this point. Her descent into madness has been fun to watch, along with everyone else’s.
VO: I know that this is the Scandal universe, which doesn’t always make sense, but seriously, the Dems suggested Reston again? That just is one of those implausible things for me as an elections nerd. I know that they’ll do candidates that failed in the last primary, but an also-ran? Who SHOT SOMEONE? Who’s the strategist on the Dem’s side? Wile E. Coyote?
KC: Yeah on a political strategy level none of this makes sense at all. Whatever Meet The Press style show exists in the Scandalverse probably has a field day every week.
VO: I think that Meet the Press show is drunk on the same wine Olivia is drinking, because they’d be all “I dunno man. We live in a cray-cray universe and we’re here just watching the show.”
But I will single out Mellie’s imitation of Sally, because that was hilarious to watch. I swear, she’s starting to bring the chemistry with Nelson, which is kind of awesome I hope that the white knight thing turns into a real attraction, but we’ll see as the season goes along.
KC: I think there was always real attraction between Mellie and Nelson. Being needed and wanting to save someone is an attraction of its own. I think it’s a question of whether they need each other or if they have anything in common as an actual couple comprised of functioning adults.
Everybody always says “I love you” BEFORE THEY DIE!
VO: Good grief Cyrus was creaming his pants watching Fitz during the debate. The man’s OTP is power, nothing else James, sorry Boo.
KC: This is where I don’t have a lot of sympathy for James or anyone who ever had a relationship with Cy. YOU WILL ALWAYS COME second, if not last to power. If you can deal with that you’ll be happier and maybe have some kind of relationship that lasts. Just ask Francis and Claire Underwood.
VO: Abby and David in bed are just cute. And during their discussion you can see the grim reaper sitting in the corner, sharpening his scythe. But not before he runs off to see James and Cyrus. And there is no good part to Cyrus, let’s be real. At least James knows something’s up when Cyrus says he loves James. That’s one of those moments that’s elicited laughter from me. The sad thing is that James seems to have some brains now, but the clock is ticking.
Cyrus begging for forgiveness and admitting he messed up is amazing, because I feel like it’s probably a human moment, which also weirdly keeps us on his side at times.
KC: Cyrus loves…having someone. That’s pretty much it. It just happened to be James. I really thought he was gonna blow his brains out. Now THAT would have been a shocker, an OMG moment for sure.
VO: I never thought that would happen. I think it’s because I can’t see the build-up to that at all. Throughout all this James has been fighting for something — what exactly, I’m not sure of given that it seems to waver from episode to episode. Some of it seems like an apology from Cyrus, some of it seems to be a career, a baby, whatever, but I don’t think that he’s given up the fight, if that makes sense. But again, Scandalverse, I could see the whole “sacrifice” thing, which honestly, would be irritating for me because it just seems so cheap.
I can see James dying because really, he’s another sacrifice on the altar of Cyrus’ ego and drive. As much as this season has been about Olivia’s downfall, it’s also been about Cyrus’ arrogance and drive biting him in the ass. I could also see David — well, moreso if it was a show like Game of Thrones — but I agree with others who think he’s more integrated into the show (and really, the big moral voice at times).
Also, Cyrus is going to be the worst single dad in the world.
KC: See I think it’s David because he and Abby are too happy and Shonda hates happy, functioning couples. Also, we need something to take Abby over to Crazytown with everyone else and David dying would be it. Also, I think David dying would show that the Scandalverse has gone completely off the rails and that morality isn’t an issue anymore.
Someone on Twitter suggested that Cy pulled a favor to get James sucked into B613 to keep him alive. Which sounds crazy but … Scandal.
I’m the Olivia Pope of X now means you drink a lot of red wine and wibble your lower lip a lot
VO: FINALLY DAVID STARTS BRINGING IN THE PROS. And come on Liv, just get to the right side you supposed white hat wearing hypocrite.
KC: There used to be a point where saying “I’m the Olivia Pope of X” meant that you were good at your job. Those days are long gone. She SUCKS at her job, and she is making awful decisions.
VO: Olivia’s safe has the same lock as my kid’s lock on her safe. For a crisis manager, this is ridiculous.
KC: She is BAD AT HER JOB.
VO: Rosen and Olivia Pope’s bracelets are something I’m surprised that ABC hasn’t started making yet. But then again, I think they’d have a better shot with big-ass wine glasses and bottles of red wine.
KC: Well, we can already get the glasses from Crate and Barrel, but I would buy Oliva Pope wine as you know that would be some intense shit.
VO: It would be basically the Everclear of wine, let’s be real.
Ah Jake and Olivia. I love the drinking the whole bottle and eating too many fries. Because that’s what I do nightly (KIDDING!). And the pretend thing is just hilarious. I feel like those two could be good friends, if they stop bullshitting each other. Also, can’t these people discuss TV shows like what I’m doing right now? Or movies? Does Olivia like movies? Does Jake? I like to think that Huck watches keyboard cat and cute cat videos to soothe himself.
And Jake — did you see Olivia’s diet? It takes a hell of a lot more than a bottle of red to get her drunk. I think her veins are filled with red wine. Thank heavens they never put in the whole “Liv is pregnant” thing because honestly, that kid would probably have fetal alcohol syndrome and malnutrition given Liv’s diet.
KC: Liv would just give birth to a bottle of Cabernet.
I am so glad she’s moved from popcorn to fries! It’s kind of a vegetable! Progress. I dunno, I think they would be OK fuckbuddies if Jake could just let that be a thing. Olivia would be more than fine with that, I think. Jake needs to stop catching his feelings. Olivia, frankly need to NOT BE IN A RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW. And Jake is clearly messed up in own ways. Just have sex, you two. It’s ok. I feel like I can see Huck being into some shows. I see him watching a lot of Cartoon Network.
VO: Jake — you can’t turn to a fucked up person to save you. I’m just saying you’re building a house on a faulty foundation. And I feel like we’ve gotten a student film of Jake’s inner angst and slide into the dark side with the opening.
KC: Haha, I like how you think any of these people are functioning human beings. I think there’s only one hero on this show, and I am pretty sure he just got shot in the face this past episode. I knew that dark side was always there with Jake. I felt like he was always this dude masquerading as a White Knight.
VO: I’m gonna have to revist my Scandal alignments again aren’t I?
Look Vermont doesn’t want you two anymore, trust us, you’re not the lovers they want
VO: The whole ‘I’ve done terrible things,” feels like they’re fucking around with the strong black woman trope, but it feels like this series is a lot of that — the deconstruction of that trope and the idea that you don’t have to be likable as a WOC.
KC: Yeah, it gets back to that essay I wrote last season, it’s something we don’t get to see a lot from POC characters, especially women. Not that it’s been easy. The respectability police love to trot out Scandal as their example of why we neeeeeed more “positive” characters of color, even as these same folks probably love them some House of Cards, Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad. I feel like Olivia has moved from being an antihero to just plain stupid, but I like that this is a show full of morally gray characters of all races!
VO: Fitz’s whole “I am surrounded by people who have lost their minds,” is his “I DO NOT GET PAID ENOUGH FOR THIS SHIT.”
KC: That pissed me off, I’m like “bitch, you are SURROUNDED by people who are willing to give up everything to get your sorry ass a job and keep it.”
VO:“I’m the only adult within 10 miles of this place,” And that’s when I fell down laughing and died.
KC: As did we all.
VO: No more lying is amazing — I feel like Olivia keeps martyring herself. Woman could walk away and make jam, but she is not going to do it, because she likes the drama and pretending she’s better than everyone else.
KC: And she likes to control things. Or pretending that she controls things. Where is Edison? He he somewhere watching TV like “haha all y’all crazy bitches!”